I HATE YOU!!!...right?

I hate your face but I see it everywhere! I hate the sound of your annoying voice but oh what I would do to hear you say one word to me! I hate your stupid laugh but you’ll never know the things I would do to hear it! I hate the way you treated me but I miss the way you told me to be safe! I hate the way you thought you were better then me but you are! I hate the way u had to bend down to kiss me but I miss having to go on my tippy toes to kiss you! I hate how I had to hug your waist but I would do anything to hear your heart beat once more! I hate the way you used to go through my journal but now all I write about is you! I hate the way you would just want to sit and “talk” or not talk but now I miss the awkward silence! I hate how I was horrible for you but you were the best for me! I hate you but….I love you

I miss everything about you but I don’t want you. I hate being with you but I want to be with you. Its not like I cant do better, hells I’ve had the chances. But each time I thought how much better you were. I was horrible for you but you were the best thing in my life. I wasn’t ready to let you in, and maybe Ill never be. We were terrible together yet we tried and failed so many times. All I can do now is wish that you want me even though I know we are never going to get back together. I want you so badly! Ill be better this time I promise! If only we could have a fresh start, forget the past. I messed up so bad and you’ll always be hurt because of me. If only I could take it back. So many terrible things have happened from that one moment in time, one was loosing you. Ill survive without you but I don’t want to. I don’t know that your over me but I can guess. No more goofy looking face looking back at me in the halls. I could make it obvious but you already so cocky, you don’t need the satisfaction of taking me back. You would never let that go either. You never could let things go, could you? If you read this would you realize that I cant stand your obnoxious attitude or no? even if u did would u change it? Nope to both eh? All I really want is to be your friend again I miss giving u a hug randomly and talking to you (even though I’d never admit it). I miss the friendship we had, the way you cared and the way you opened up to me. But no you are too egotistical for me, I don’t want to hear it. But I guess its not really a lie. I could have talked to you, but not in person because you don’t do that, I could have. GRRRRR…….

Grrr.....

Change has always been hard.
My heart will always be on guard.
I trust you the way I can.
Will u be my man?
I act the most refined.
Because you’re always on my mind.
I’m always in a lost state.
Walking through my hearts gate
Head and heart in constant quarrel
All thoughts turn immoral
I find myself waiting, wishing,
Hoping you call.
To think, read, hear of you,
Or anything at all.
I’m not subtle but neither are you.
I wonder if you feel it too.
I HATE YOU
YOU MAKE ME FEEL EMOTIONS
I CANT DEAL WITH THIS

We have come so far, but which direction?

What has happened to the world? Do we really need to kill and damage and riot to be accepted? People will go out at night and damage other people’s property just to have sum fun. What if it was them? But no one thinks that way. Why is violence such a “cool” thing? All you’re doing is hurting some one. It doesn’t show that you’re a man if you can hurt some one who doesn’t deserve it or does. It shows that you have a need that u cant control. You have no self control. It’s not cool. It wasn’t cool, what happened? People lose their friends, family and lovers just because people have no respect any more. Every one has a chance to make a great future for them selves, if they try. Once you feel like u don’t have a future you lose your respect for the present. Why bother, right? Wrong. I was flipping channels and I saw just a building on fire so I wanted to see what it was because I thought it was the news. In the end it was a show called “Pushing the Limit”. It was talking about teen violence and that type of stuff. If you can, try and find it and tell me, I really wish to see the whole thing.

When girls attack

Girls will use the terms bitch, whore, slut, dyke and other terms that the media has deemed necessary. If they dislike another girl, they will torture her until it is too much to handle. The funny thing about this is that girls will use methods that they can even if they r plain weird. I have been prey to many of these attacks but so has every girl. I’ve also heard and done some of my own attacking. Also like many girls. But why must we? What is this natural compition in us that makes us need to be better? We hate our selves and we must make every one feel the same way. I don’t get it but no one does. It’s impossible to turn that feeling away. Media, boys, family, everything will tell us how to act and tell us we r not doing it. So we must tell every1 else that they r not doing it either so we r not the only ones. Majority of girls won’t use violence but instead will create minor situations until they add up and create a lasting impression on the victim’s self-esteem. I read a book called “Odd Girl Out” and it’s amazing. If any1 reads this post then I urge you to at least look it up on Google or something.

How can u do that to me?

How can u do that to me? How can you pretend like I do nothing and everything is still my fault? It isn’t fair. What have I done? Is it really all my fault? Of course it is. It’s always my fault because I’m always just screwing up like really what’s the point? It’s not worth it. I’m making a big deal out of nothing. There r people off way worse then me. But I can’t do it. I can’t pretend everything is ok. Everyday I go to school with a smile on my face and I wish I could break down and cry. But if I did then I would be made fun of. No1 likes me or even cares. If I cried no1 would notice. What’s the point? It’s entirely my fault. I can’t even get mad I just can’t. I can’t not act like those people. I don’t even know who I am. What’s the point? There is none. No one cares any more. I try to be what people want. But they hate it. I can’t be who I’m not. But I can’t be who I am. Who am I? I don’t even know.